Hey, guys. So if you’ve been subscribed
to my channel for a while, you know that I make a lot of commercial
or infomercial spoofs. And the reason for that is because I think… ..so many of these commercials
are just so irritating. I mean, they’re already taking away
from whatever it is you’re watching. And, most of the time, they’re
not even entertaining. Commercials are a bunch of lies. The only time they tell the truth
is at the very end of a commercial, when they’re talking really fast and you
can’t even understand them anyway. Kind of like what I’m doing right now, I guess. For example, you know at the end
of a toy commercial… ..for kids where they’re always like: What?! Whoa! No way! Dude! (laughter) Or like medicine commercials. They always have those
quick disclaimers that have… ..all the side effects of the medicine at the very end, and sometimes it’s even worse
than what the medicine’s supposed to cure. (speaking rapidly) Higasprin does not protect
against HIV, STDs or PIPs. If you experience nausea, heartburn,
headaches, vomiting, dizziness, loss of sight, diarrhea, gonorrhea,
sangria, or even death, contact your doctor because Higasprin
may not be right for you… ..and we are not liable. Batteries are not included. But more than anything that I hate about commercials is probably the subliminal messaging in it. You know, like in every shampoo commercial
they use these beautiful, perfect girls with flawless hair using their products, Because they want to put in the back
of your head that if you use their product… ..you’ll end up looking like them. I mean, come on! Would you buy a shampoo
if the commercial looked like this? (woman) Oh! Water! (woman moans) Hairball essences. Batteries not included. Probably. I’d still get that one. But you get the point. Most commercials are just not honest, because this is what commercials
would really look like if they were. ♪ trendy techno music ♪ So cool! -What do you think he’s on this time?
-I don’t know. Shrooms? Pep-C. At least it’s not shrooms. He drinks beer, not because it tastes good,
but because all his friends do. He’s quick to make decisions…
that he would later regret. He wakes up like a new person…
that has a headache and nausea all day. He is the most average man in the world. I don’t always drink beer,
but when I do, I prefer not to. Stay sober, my friends. A delicious, hot, juicy 75 grams of fat.
Less than 875 calories. Fries, dripping with oil and probably
some sweat from the guy cooking them. And a 32 ounce cup of soda
that could be enough for a family in Africa. You’ll feel so full, you won’t even want to move. Thanks to the all new Angus cheddar cheese
Big Whopamac Meal Burger. We know you’ll be back soon… because we forgot to give you half your order. (hums McDonald’s jingle) That’s copyrighted! With nearly ten miles per gallon,
a whopping 145 different horse powers, equipped with a neighborhood
waking exhaust system, and a working engine light
that will come on for no reason, all backed by our one month
warranty that you’re gonna need. The all new, used, 2004, 3 wheel drive,
four door, H-150 with a hemi-roid. By Getta. Just Getta car. Hello, I’m the spokesperson for Gecko Insurance. Or should I say “Spokesgecko”? (fake laughter) I’ve nothing to do with car insurance,
or comedy for that matter. In fact, I think the only reason why I’m here
is because the comedy name is similar to Gecko. Seems quite lazy if you ask me. Gecko. In 15 minutes, you could
spend 15 percent more time… .. than we did writing this commercial. Do you need cash now? Are you running low on funds? Well, thanks to Cash-2-Gold, you
can now send us your gold. Do it. Cash-2-Gold: We’re a real business..
(breaks into laughter) I’m sorry. Charlie, I can’t do this one, man! (Charlie) Just read the lines! -I’m not going to do this one!
-(Charlie) Just do the damn voice over, dammit! -You’re stealing from old people.
-(Charlie) Don’t you point at me. -(Charlie) Don’t you dare point at me again.
-Charlie, don’t come over here. (Charlie) Don’t you point at me! I’ll bite that finger! Ch-Charlie! OWCH! Charlie! Owwwwww. What’s great about the iPhone? You can do this. And this. And this. And thi-… And th-…and you can…hold on. [dialogue inaudible] Hey! Oh, oh. Uh-oh. OH! The f*ck?! Introducing the new iPhone: it’s okay if you drop it because the next one’s probably coming
out a month after you get this one. With Bouncy’s new rip-in-halfs, there’s now
100 percent more sheets per roll! You can now take a half sheet instead of a full one. Because when you’re at your worst,
Bouncey is like a purse. You know, cuz’ it holds things in it
and picks stuff up and–and– Charlie! This one doesn’t make sense either, man! (Charlie) Just f*cking do it. (Charlie) I’m sick of this sh*t.
I’m quittin’ this job soon. (Charlie) I don’t f*cking want to deal with this (beep). Alright, so maybe I exaggerated some of these. Anyway, thank you guys so much for watching. I know I haven’t done one of these type
of rants orOff The Pilltype of things, you know, where I get really upset
about something and talk about it really fast. I just hate to see people getting tricked. I hate when people are not honest. And commercials are just the worst thing
I could think of– Bobbleheads! Higatv. Bobbleheads! New shirts. B-B-Bobbleheads! Wristbands in different colors. Bobbleheads! That’s not my merch. Higatv. Buy. BUY NOW. Buy now. B-B-Bobble… Buy now! Do it. Tee-hee!